Whose Box Is It Anyway?

As we talk about living “outside the box” there is an important question that each of us needs to answer:  “Whose box is it anyway?”  The short answer for each of us is, “It’s mine.” Whether I like it or not, as soon as I impose limits on myself that God didn't intend I have claimed those limits as my own. The box becomes mine.  We have to state that at the outset.

Who’s to blame? We all like to blame our problems on someone else. We know we shouldn't and will convince ourselves that we aren't blaming anyone, but we do. We learn a lot about what we think we can and can’t do from our family of origin. Since no family is perfect there are views that we learn that don’t line up with truth. We also learn to fit in with societal norms as we observe the way the world works. We often don’t evaluate what we learn. It just becomes part of us.  And there are cases where we have been directly taught that certain boundaries are appropriate when in fact they are never what God intended. Regardless of where boundaries have originated from, there is no one else to blame once I accept them.

Face it. I have claimed the territory. Once I have accepted the boundaries and begin to live inside them, then I have claimed that territory.  Over time I settle in to the prescribed expectations. I behave within the limits and I cease to explore options that exist outside those borders. Life becomes small and predictable.  No one else did that to me. I have claimed it for my own. I am the one who has built my life on it.

When I began to realize that God’s territory for me was so much larger than the life I had accepted, I had an overwhelming sense of grief and loss. I realized that all the time that had passed before could have been different. I felt like something had been stolen from me, kept from me. I wanted to blame those who had taught me that certain areas were not available to me because I am a woman. It didn't take long to come to the conclusion that to blame would be a waste of time and energy. I couldn't do anything to change the past, but I could make a decision to live differently in the future. I could begin to explore the perimeter of what I had previously accepted as my boundaries.

Time to explore the edges. What about you? Have you tried to blame others for your decision to live a life that is smaller than God intended for you? Have you begun to realize that you have claimed territory that limits your ability to fulfill your God-given purpose? I am encouraging you to begin to explore the perimeter of the parameters you have accepted. Begin to imagine what life might be like when you start to step outside. Radical change begins by taking small steps. It begins by exploring the possibilities that exist outside what I have accepted as normal. Radical change begins with daring to dream that life can be different.

Inside vs. Outside the Box

Before we begin to really discuss living “outside the box” we need to take a little time to define what it means to be “inside” or “outside” the box. If living “outside” the box is the goal, what makes living “inside” the box something to leave behind?

What is “inside”? What’s wrong with living “inside the box”? Well…nothing really, except there is a good possibility that if you are living inside the box you are living far below your potential, below God’s intended purpose for your life. To live “inside the box” is to live inside perceived or actual limitations imposed on us by ourselves or someone else. It’s a way of thinking and seeing the world. It’s a way of thinking and seeing ourselves. We may not even realize that we are living below our potential because living inside the box can be very safe and comfortable. We may feel content, but in actuality we may be living far below true satisfaction and God's highest plans for us.  Living inside the box can make my world so much smaller than it was ever intended to be. Believe me, I have been there living in that small world, and truthfully, I didn't want to leave.

What is “outside”? To live “outside the box” is to begin to see possibilities that you never dared to imagine for yourself and to begin to take the necessary steps to actually achieve them. When we start to take those steps, we begin to envision a life that is more fulfilling and satisfying. As each step takes us closer in pursuing what seemed an impossible dream, the dream begins to seem much less impossible.  With each baby step outside your perceived boundaries you begin to see yourself as capable of achieving the dreams that you have never uttered to another soul. What is really awesome is that on the road toward pursuing the first dream, other long-forgotten dreams begin to re-awaken and suddenly seem less impossible as well. And most awesome of all, you begin to taste the possibility of a totally different you.

What happens when I live inside the box? As a box-dweller, I was content, comfortable, but not satisfied. I knew God wanted more for me, but I didn't necessarily want it for myself. I accepted the limitations that were handed to me. I never thought of dreaming outside those limitations. As I journeyed on, I became aware that God had bigger dreams for me, outside those perceived boundaries. It was safe inside the box. I knew what was expected of me and I knew what to expect of life. I didn't want to leave my box, but I knew that if I wanted to fulfill God’s purpose for my life, then I needed to step outside.  It took a while, but eventually,  I began to dream, to do and to be more than I imagined possible.  

Are you “in” or “out”? So, what are the limitations you perceive? Are they real, or is there a world of possibility outside your box?  You may be content, but are you truly satisfied? Are you living God's purposes for you? Explore your possibilities.

Dare to dream. Dare to do. Dare to be.

Out of the Box

I have taken a pretty significant break from blogging. Not because I've been exceptionally busy. I’m always busy. I felt my blog needed to be more focused and purposeful. So I've waited until I felt I had a better handle on what to write about and why.

From here on out “Real Life Chats” is designed to encourage and inspire you to live “outside the box”, reach beyond your perceived boundaries and be all that you were intended to be, all that God created you to be. Even if I don’t say it specifically, I am sharing my journey with you.

Dare to dream. So what does it mean to live “outside the box”? First, it means that you dare to dream. Those little daydreams that you ignore…take a look at them. Inside those daydreams is the kernel of a real dream deep inside you. Many of us don’t allow ourselves to dream. It’s impractical. It’s dangerous. If we pay attention to our dreams we might begin to feel dissatisfied with life as it is and when we feel dissatisfied, we are uncomfortable. When we feel uncomfortable, all we want to do is get comfortable again.

As a fellow box lover, I understand. It’s scary out there, outside the box. The box is safe and comfortable. I know where the boundaries are. But outside the limits of the box is a fulfillment that is not possible inside it. Take the risk. Dare to dream.

Dare to do. The good thing about feeling uncomfortable is that you become motivated to do something. At first, you’ll probably try to go back to things the way they were, which is usually impossible. Then you are forced to try something new. Why wait until the circumstances force you to explore? Go for it! Start moving toward your dream. You make progress one step at a time. Before you know it you will be so far beyond the borders of your box that there will be no going back. Take a step. Dare to do.

Dare to be. What happens as you take your risks, step outside your box? You begin to change. Not only have you moved toward your dream and done some things you never thought were possible, you begin to see life differently. You begin to see yourself differently. When you see yourself differently, you begin to see life differently.

Are you ready?  Stepping outside the box starts with a decision. Your decision. Others can pull you out and you’ll experience some of the same feelings. However, it’s only by your own choice to step out that you will fully experience the freedom and fulfillment that is available. It’s the difference between choosing to dive into a cool, pool of water and being pushed. Make the choice. Dive in. Live outside the box.

Remember, I am sharing my journey with you. More details in the weeks ahead!

Dare to dream. Dare to do. Dare to be. 

The Buck Stops Here

President Harry S. Truman was known for having a sign on his desk that said "The buck stops here". It was his way of saying that he would take responsibility for what came to him and not "pass the buck" to someone else. Maybe you've noticed it, too. There is a whole lot of "passing the buck" in today's culture. Every one has an excuse why "It's not my fault!".


I once heard a definition of an excuse as "A lie disguised as a reason". Sounds kind of harsh, but how often do we offer an excuse when we should just take responsibility?
We are often willing to forgive ourselves for something we wouldn't
let someone else off the hook for. Or we blame someone else for our own response to something that they did. It seems people are more motivated to get out of responsibility than to accept it.

There used to be an accepted standard for right and wrong and everyone knew that doing the right thing was the most important thing. If we examine ourselves we still know what is right and wrong. It's called a conscience and our Creator made us that way. We've learned to ignore that voice because sometimes doing the right thing can be really hard. So we pass the buck and make it someone or something else's fault that we don't do it or someone else's job to do it. We've all got excuses. I'm talking to myself as well!

We each have a tendency toward certain weaknesses, but we can never use that as an excuse for not doing what is right. It may be harder for some of us than others to do what is right in certain situations because of our natural bent, but the decision to do the right thing regardless of our natural bent is always up to us.
I'm through passing the buck. What about you? "The buck stops here"

Present!

Remember the days when teachers took attendance expecting the student response, "Present!"? These days a teacher calling the attendance roll might be lucky enough to get a student who cheerfully answers, "Here!" Working in a school I have noticed students responding to their attendance name call in a variety of ways, many respectful, but often with a bored, matter-of-fact, let's-just-get-this-over-with attitude. How often do you and I approach life that way? Are we truly "present" as we interact with people? Do our families and loved ones really have our attention or are we projecting an attitude that says, "Let's just get this over with. I have something else I'd rather be doing"?

I'll be honest with you. I am pretty tired today and it's hard to be "present" even as I write this.  Yet, this day is just as sacred as any other. If I "check out" while in conversation with those around me, what will I miss and what will I be communicating to them about their value? I understand that we all need a little slack sometimes. Today is definitely one of those days for me! However, I don't want to use fatigue as an excuse to devalue those around me and brush off their concerns. They deserve the best I can give, even if I am not my best.

That's it, short and sweet. Be present. Each day is a gift and each person a unique and valuable creation of God. Is there any better reason to be "present"?

Transit Perspective

' "You see the bigger picture" when you look through the telescope at the heavens, he said. "You don't get so stressed out by living when you realize that we're just this little speck in space." ' That quote was taken from a USA Today article about the many people who took the time and effort to watch the recent Transit of Venus across the sun. The gentleman quoted was identified as a neurosurgeon. What a perspective to have when you are responsible for people's lives! What a perspective to offer them as they face whatever difficulties have brought them to a neurosurgeon.
Years ago I remember my two older children coming home from elementary school in the middle of an argument. Evidently, they had started arguing on the bus and the whole bus heard about it. Of course, I can't remember a thing about the argument now, and if I asked them they probably wouldn't remember it at all.  I was mortified at the time, so disappointed and embarrassed that they would have it out in a public place rather than keeping it quiet and talking, or fighting, about it at home.  I saw it as a reflection on my parenting and felt like a total failure. But as I thought it over and prayed as best as I could in the midst of my mortification, I had a mental picture of the whole earth and then the picture zoomed down until it was a picture of my kids on the bus. Suddenly, the whole thing didn't seem like such a big deal. We talked about it and then it was over.
So often as we face our daily difficulties, or even our larger, more profound difficulties,we get "stressed out". The issue that is troubling us can seem like the most important thing in the world at that moment. Maybe it would be good to keep a photo of the Transit of Venus somewhere to remind us of the larger perspective.
My recent difficulties have not been the kind that put one in "survival mode", although I have experienced those as well. Whether in "survival mode" or daily inconveniences, over the years I have learned to remember that in the larger picture of life these things are just a small speck in transit.  Whatever trial I am going through will come to an end, even the ones that have seemed to last for years. At the very end, when my life is over, my life will be that little speck in transit. Then the transit will be over and I will have a permanent Home elsewhere. Keeping that in mind helps me keep the difficulties of my life in transit perspective.

Dear One, whatever you are going through right now is a speck in transit. I don't mean to minimize your difficulty. A life-threatening illness or financial catastrophe caused by job loss or a fluctuating stock market are not small troubles, nor are the emotional difficulties of strained relationships or personal loss. What I mean to say is that when you and I keep a transit perspective on the larger and smaller difficulties of life it helps us to pass through them knowing that there will be an end and to keep that end in view rather than the trouble of the moment.

Cliff Hanging

I am a cliff hanger. I know that we usually think of cliffhangers as stories without resolution meant to draw you back for the next installment. No, I don't mean that kind of cliffhanger.

When it is time for me to embark on a new adventure, I tend to stand on the cliff looking over the edge and try to evaluate the situation. I am a thinker. I am not a " ready, shoot, aim" person. I want to look before I leap. I want to know where I'm going to land. The difficulty is that usually when you are standing on the cliff, there is a lot of mist at the bottom and you can't really evaluate what kind of landing you are going to make.

I recently made a jump I'd been trying to evaluate for....well, a long time. Maybe you have experienced a nagging feeling that there is something you are supposed to do. As a Christian, when I feel that way I try to determine if that nagging feeling is the still, small voice of God. Over time I became convinced that in this case it was. But in this situation, I basically tried to talk God out of it. Maybe you've done that, too. When the nagging feeling didn't go away, I determined that it really was God and He wasn't giving up. So, even though I don't really know where I am going to land, I made the jump and obeyed that still, small voice.

The thing about it is that once I went ahead and began the process, "made the jump", a lot of my waffling and attempts to make excuses for not doing it seemed to disappear. I am confident that I jumped off the right cliff, so to speak, and that wherever I land will be the right place at the right time.

Sometimes you just have to jump into new things. When you get right down to it, the reason that I wasn't willing to jump was lack of trust. A lack of trust in my ability to follow through in what God was asking me was not really the problem. At the core, my unwillingness to jump was a lack of trust in God Himself. If He is asking me to do something, to jump off the cliff, then He's got to have the landing all figured out even though I can't see it, right? When I land, I'll tell you more about the trip.

Are you hanging onto a cliff right now? If you are, what is your reason for not making the jump? I can tell you from experience that once you commit yourself and get airborne, the view is going to be awesome. So stop hanging onto the cliff and enjoy the ride!