Character is Key

If you are in a time of transition, what is the one thing you most need to focus on? What area of your life will help you trough this transition more than anything else? Is it skill or organization? Planning and resources?  Nope. It's character.  Character is the area to focus on if you want to successfully navigate transition. 

Character is solid.  Character is the bedrock you build your life on. It is the one thing that comes with you in every situation. It is the part of you that causes others to find you trustworthy and reliable.  Your situation may change, but string character remains stable. 

Character is not unemotional, but not driven by emotion. Character is driven by truth. In the midst of difficult and trying situations a person of strong character does not allow emotion to direct their decisions. Especially in times of transition,  emotions can be very strong. A person of character steps back and does their best to evaluate the situation based on objective truth rather than feeling. This can be tremendously difficult, but once you are on the other side of the upheaval you will reap the fruit of it. 

Character uses words carefully. Mean what you say, say what you mean. Pressure can cause us to give a quick answer when we may need time to effectively evaluate a situation. Character doesn't make empty promises or threats. Think before you speak and then say only what is helpful for the person you are speaking to.  Do what you say you will do. Can you be counted on?

Character doesn't just happen. It takes effort and will take even more effort during a time of transition. If you make character your focus you will make it through successfully and be even stronger on the other side.  

How to Be the Real Thing, Part 3: Honest with God

Are you really honest with God or do you tell Him what you think He wants to hear? That is a danger that many people fall into. They pray what they think they should pray instead of telling God how they really feel. If you want to be genuine and authentic, then honesty with God is absolutely essential.

Tell Him the truth. He already knows anyway. Why do we think we need to "butter God up" by telling Him what we think He wants to hear from us? I mean, really. He is God! Who do we think we are fooling? Our piously worded prayers when we are angry or dying inside lack authenticity and we know it. God does too. So why try to sound more spiritual and holy by the words we choose when we talk to God? The most holy and spiritual thing you and I can do is to tell God how we really feel. When we do that we acknowledge  that He really does know us and that He really is the God who sees.

He can handle how you really feel. In Psalm 142 David says "I pour out my complaint before Him. I declare my trouble before Him." (v. 2) David demonstrates that God doesn't only want to hear the good stuff from us. He wants it ALL. So whether you are up or down, you can tell God all about it. I mean ALL about it. Don't fix it up and make it sound pretty for God. He can handle the down and dirty and when you are honest with Him about it, you are giving Him permission to really help you with your feelings and your situation.

Being honest with God will make you more able to be honest with yourself and others. This is what happens when we are honest with God. In the process of being honest with Him, we have to be honest with ourselves and when we are honest with ourselves, we will be more honest with others. To be genuine and authentic, "the Real Thing" in all our relationships and in the place of influence we are stepping into, we have to be honest in every area of our lives. If we start by being honest with God, the rest will most definitely follow.

How to be the Real Thing, Part 2: Honest With Others

Complete and absolute honesty is the key to being the ”real thing”, We can never be truly effective or successful until we are real. It’s something we are all working on. Last time we talked about being honest with yourself. Here are a few more thoughts to help you in the process. In order to be genuine we must also be honest with others.

Always tell the truth as graciously as possible. We have all heard the phrase “a little white lie”. The implication is that a “white lie” is an acceptable lie, even a necessary one to spare someone’s feelings. But a lie is a lie is a lie. It’s never really okay.

I tend to be very aware of other people’s feelings and try really hard, sometimes too hard, to avoid hurting them. There was a particular time when I answered someone’s question in a way that was meant to spare the person’s feelings, yet I left the conversation feeling uneasy. In talking it out with my husband, he pointed out that I was feeling uneasy because I had lied. I had never thought of it that way and the revelation shocked me! It’s been very important to me to tell the truth and equally important not to hurt people’s feelings, but at that moment I realized that sometimes the two can fight for supremacy. In those cases the truth must win. It can be delivered in a gracious and loving way, but in order for us to be authentic we must tell the truth!

If you can't do it, say so. As we step out into new territory we are going to be asked to take on new responsibilities. It’s going to feel really good to be sought after and offered new opportunities. It is going to be tempting to say “yes” to every offer and every opportunity. In order to remain genuine you and I need to honestly evaluate each opportunity based on our actual abilities, schedule, etc. It can be really hard to say “no”. We can’t be concerned about the other person’s reaction. We need to be most concerned with being honest about our God-given capabilities and circumstances. It’s necessary in our quest to be the “real thing”.

People-pleasing causes dishonesty. This is a huge area of potential downfall for most of us, whether we realize it or not. We are often unaware when our responses are motivated by people-pleasing. We all want to be loved, appreciated, and affirmed. We want people to notice our good work, our strong character, our ability to face challenges. We will tend to tell the best about ourselves and leave out the faults. We will tend to say “yes” to people because we don’t want to make them upset with us.

In order to grow in being the “real thing”, authentic and genuine, we need to evaluate how much we are motivated by people-pleasing. The only way to overcome it is to begin to recognize it. When you get right down to the core there is really only One worth pleasing. He is more easily pleased than we think, and is most pleased when we are truthful since He is the Truth.

Don’t hesitate to be truthful with others. Be as gracious as you can. Make your goal to be authentic and genuine rather than to please people. Make your goal to please God instead. You will find it much more satisfying!

How To Be "The Real Thing": Honest With Myself

At the heart of being "the real thing" is truth. In order to be "true", the genuine article, authentic, we have to become absolutely honest with ourselves, with others and with God. What does it look like to be absolutely honest? Let’s start by being honest with ourselves.

I admit my weaknesses as well as my strengths. It can be really hard to admit my weaknesses, but if I have a false view of humility I may have an equally difficult time admitting my strengths. Everyone who makes character a priority knows that humility is a quality to be desired. Many times in our efforts to portray ourselves as humble we avoid acknowledging our strengths, deflecting all praise. True humility does not mean that I focus only on my weaknesses and ignore my strengths. True humility means that I accurately appraise both my strengths and weaknesses. To deny my strengths is to deny the One who gave them to me. When I reject any praise for something I really am good at the result is a lack of truth. It’s okay to say “Thanks” and, actually, a more genuine and humble response.

I recognize that I can't do it all. Truth means that I am honest about what I can’t do. This may include a lack of ability or time, a personality ill-fitted to the required task or a family need that requires me to set aside a particular endeavor. I have to honestly evaluate myself and my situation. Determination is a great quality, but when determination causes me to overlook my real limitations, then it causes me to lack honesty. Proverbs 19:2 says “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good...”

It can be painful to admit that I am honestly ill-equipped to accomplish something that I really want to do. A candid evaluation may help me discern that I am not ready now, but could, with some preparation, be ready in the future. But a truthful assessment may also tell me that my goal needs to be adjusted because what I am shooting for will always be out of my reach.

There are times when I have been limited because of artificial boundaries, but then there are the boundaries that are built into me. If I ignore those, then I ignore the One who built them into me. A favorite verse of mine is Psalm 16:6 “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.” Part of being honest is accepting that not every opportunity available is the right opportunity for me. Sometimes I will need a lot of wisdom to discern correctly.

I accept that perfection in this life is not possible. For some reason, perfection was definitely a goal that I used to strive for. But I have learned the difference between a pursuit of perfection and a pursuit of excellence. Honesty demands that I accept the fact that perfection is simply not an attainable goal. There will always be some kind of flaw in me and, therefore a flaw in my efforts. However, excellence is possible.  Excellence means that I put forth my best effort in everything that I do. Recognizing my inability to achieve perfection allows me to be content with my efforts knowing that I have honestly done my best. This allows me to relax and enables my efforts to be more successful.

Take some time to honestly evaluate yourself. Don’t ignore your strengths. Admit your real weaknesses and limitations. Make a plan to work on improving what you can. Learn to shoot for excellence rather than perfection. There is freedom in that. Go for it! It’s within your reach!

Are You the Real Thing?

Since character is the most important resource on your journey, we are going to take some time talking about it. What is it and how do you get it?

A role model helps, but...... As a young woman with a newly-begun relationship with Christ I was in need of a role model, someone who demonstrated the kind of person I wanted to be. My pastor's wife was it. I watched what she did and tried really hard to be like her. That didn't go so well.

You can't fake character.  In my efforts to be like my pastor's wife it never occurred to me that what she did and how she responded went deeper than the surface. I really had no clue what character was and my efforts to be like her lacked any real depth. 

Finally, a friend who loved me enough to tell me the truth tried to help me understand. She told me that I was like a "spiritual doll". I didn't know what she meant at the time, but eventually I began to grasp it. I said all the right things, even did many of the right things, but my words and actions didn't ring true because I didn't have sufficient character to support what came out of my mouth. It was empty and arrogant and not helpful to those I thought that I was imparting words of "wisdom" to. 

The real thing takes time. Once I began to understand that wisdom and character take time and life experience I stopped easily dispensing "wisdom". I began to really listen to people and to genuinely care for them. As I've lived my life with my sights set toward developing  Christ-like character, I have learned more about life and God.  I hope that when I open my mouth or set fingers to a keyboard that my words ring true with the weight of life experience. That can't be bought, faked or rushed. Like a fine wine, it has to be "aged". 

Character is developed along the journey, but not without the effort of choice. Keep your eyes pointed in the right direction, make choices based on what you know to be right and true, and little by little you will develop character. You may not notice, but others will. 

What is the true foundation? Dare to be.

As you dare to dream, to imagine a life beyond artificial boundaries, and dare to do, to take action toward achieving your dream, there will be something else that you need to do. You will need to dare to be. Dare to be the person that you imagine you can be; a person with unquestionable character. Character is the most important thing that you can pack for your pioneer journey beyond your familiar borders.  But how do you add character to your list of resources needed to make the trip?

It’s developed over time. The truth is you can’t really pack character. Character is built and developed. It is like the formation of a diamond. It takes a long time and a great deal of pressure. Character is the foundation to build your dream on. It’s what enables you to support the new opportunities that await you as you step out. You can be working on your character every day, no matter what you are doing or what you are facing. It is a lifelong process that will continue throughout your entire journey.

It’s how you respond. Character is developed through the choices you make about how you respond to what is happening in your life. If you want a strong character, if as a Christian you want to demonstrate the character of Christ to the world around you, then you develop it through how you respond to the stresses and trials that you encounter in your everyday humdrum life. Stellar character can only be created through difficulty. That’s a fact that can’t be avoided. If you make character your priority, then every day is a new opportunity to build that foundation through the small annoyances and big stresses of life.

It determines the true success of every step you take.  Without character you will crumble under the pressure of new responsibilities and new temptations. This is also a fact that can’t be avoided. No one sets out on a trip intending to get lost or sidetracked. Those who are intent on making it to their destination in a timely manner take the time to prepare, to make sure they know where they are going and how to get there. It’s the preparation that helps them to succeed.

The development of your character is the single most important preparation to make before and during your boundary-exploring expedition. Without character you will damage your opportunities by not treating people well. You may succumb to temptations that lead you beyond the healthy borders established for relationships in God’s word. New opportunities bring temptations to compromise your integrity. Without character you will find yourself vulnerable and unable to stand in what you know is true and right.

Your character is the only thing that you will take with you when you leave this life for the next. Your character is what people will remember. Your character is the legacy that you leave, the example that you set. People may remember what you do, but if you have developed authentic character they will want to emulate who you are. That is the best kind of success. Dare to be a person of Christ-like character.

The Absolute Starting Point

When we talk about this pioneer journey beyond what has become comfortable and familiar, we are ultimately talking about a journey of faith. But where do we place our faith as we leave what we can see to head toward the unseen future? There is only One strong enough to carry us through to the end. The absolute start of my journey began when I surrendered to Him.

I can't handle it myself. The moment of surrender came in January of my junior year of college. I was emotionally overwhelmed with a relationship situation. I kept telling myself and my friends that “I should be able to handle my own problems.” Yet, I felt unable to do just that. The old adage “God helps those who help themselves” would define my philosophy of life and God. I knew He was there, but didn’t feel like I should bother Him with my little problems.

One night I was walking back to the house where I rented a room. I was terrified by a thought that whizzed through my mind, “What would happen if I threw myself out in front of that car?” That made it absolutely clear to me that I was not handling my own problems well at all! As soon as I got back to my room I knelt by my bed and prayed, “God, I can’t handle it by myself anymore! I need your help!” The next day I made an appointment with a school counselor.

You usually can't see change while it’s happening. I think I saw the counselor twice. I talked a lot and don’t remember most of what I said, but the second time I saw him I remember telling him that I felt better able to handle all that was happening in my life. When he asked me why, I told him that my faith had really grown and I was aware that God was helping me.

My life was in the process of changing dramatically, but I didn't realize it at the time. Over a series of months, my relationship with God became the central point of my life. So much changed inside of me, but it wasn't until much later that I could point back to that prayer by my bed as the absolute starting point of the change.

I am responsible for how I respond to life. A few weeks after that walk across the street, the college choir I sang with took a trip and I experienced a major moment in that process of dramatic change.  I was sitting in the back of the bus crying about who-knows-what. As I cried I suddenly realized that I had been miserable for a long time and it had been my choice to be so. It was near Ash Wednesday and I decided that I was giving up being miserable for Lent.  I know it sounds silly, but I did it. I began to make response choices that kept me from being miserable. It became a habit that I don’t regret developing. There did come a point where I had to learn the balance between being honest about negative feelings and ignoring them, but the most important lesson was that my response is my choice.  

Dear friend, I challenge you to reach the absolute starting point and admit that you can’t handle life on your own. God is waiting to change your life in ways that you can’t imagine and won’t notice right away, but I can guarantee that you will never regret it. It’s your responsibility to respond. Are you up to the challenge?