Turning Points

Within a week my family will reach a major turning point. Since my youngest daughter was small we assured her that there would come a time, because of the five and six year age difference between her and her sister and brother, that she would be an "only child", the only child at home. As we all know, this great adventure called life rarely goes as we expect and the time we expected to have one child at home came and went. But very soon it will be here at last.

I firmly believe that our lives do follow a plan. The difficulty that we all face is accepting that the plan isn't our own! These past few years haven't turned out at all as I expected. I've struggled to understand and re-adjust. I think my greatest peace came as I threw out my expectations and accepted that the way things had happened was exactly as it was supposed to be, even if it wasn't the way I wanted it to be. Then I could enjoy life as it was, instead of trying to figure out what went wrong and fix it.

Looking back I see so many benefits to our family. Relationships were strengthened. Each of us learned and matured in ways that wouldn't have happened if events had proceeded according to my expectations. And who knows what benefits will reveal themselves as this unforeseen future moves forward?

It's been an unexpected journey that has taken us to this turning point. I guess it's time to buckle up and get ready to enjoy and experience the ride as we move on toward the next one!

Awe-Inspiring

What is it about natural beauty that causes our jaws to drop? Why do we respond with awe-inspired wonder at something we know the ingenuity of man couldn't possibly create? I think it's because deep within ourselves we know that we need to be reminded that there is Someone bigger than ourselves.

This past weekend I had the tremendous privilege of taking a friend on her first journey, not only outside the borders of the USA, but on her first ever real vacation. We took a weekend trip to Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada, so that our friend could use her passport, obtained for a trip she ended up unable to take. I have been to the Falls before, but honestly, I never get tired of them and would go again tomorrow. During our most recent trip we spent most of the day right along the Niagara River in view of the Falls almost all the time and we found ourselves constantly drawn to watch them, snap another photo and just wonder at their unending flow, unending majesty, unending power. Truly, the most significant moment of the weekend for me came as we rode the famous Maid of the Mist boat as close to the Falls as the vessel could safely go. There is a point when the boat stops in the center of the Horseshoe Falls. Those on the journey are drenched with mist and surrounded by the constant crashing of the tremendous amount of water constantly flowing over the jagged cliff. It was at that moment when our friend turned around and said "Thank you so much!".  I understood her feelings at that place.

My last journey on the Maid of the Mist had been almost exactly seven years ago in the midst of a time that was one of the most difficult in my life. At that same moment of the trip toward the Falls I remember feeling overwhelmingly safe. I wanted to be inside the Falls and the boat just couldn't get close enough. I wanted that moment, surrounded by the tangible illustration and awareness of a Power so much bigger than me, never to end. The reminder that God, in His unending majesty and power, had created these overwhelmingly beautiful and powerful Falls made me feel that my problems were not insurmountable and reminded me that His power was enough to carry me through the trials I would return to when the trip inside the Falls was over. I left the Maid of the Mist with a peace I had been unable to attain before my journey close to the awe-inspiring Niagara Falls.

I expect my friend felt some of that peace and safety that I felt surrounded by the Falls. That, to me, is a gift far more precious than the trip itself. I wish you that same kind of peace as you experience the natural beauty that is near to you.

Blessings, Friend.

Time and priorities…again

According to Rick Warren’s The Purpose-Driven Life we were created for relationship with God and others. My summary of his thoughts would be that there are, in essence, two relational directives in the Bible summed up in this statement “Love God and love other people”.   Makes it all pretty simple, doesn’t it? Warren goes on to state that the way most people spell love is “T-I-M-E”.  So, once again, I am challenged to evaluate my priorities based on the way I spend my time.  Where am I spending my time and does it indicate that relationships are a priority to me? Even further, are the relationships that I am investing in the most important relationships in my life?

Like many moms, I work outside the home. There goes a sizable chunk of my day. Do I work for me, for my own enjoyment and satisfaction? Well, I do enjoy my job and the people I work with, but I think my greatest job satisfaction has become the knowledge that I am, to a small degree, investing in the lives of young people. When I see some of our students near or after their high school graduation and see the young men and women they are becoming I feel a sense of pride. Whomever they are becoming, my contact with them at school becomes a small piece of that.

How else does the time I spend at my job indicate relational priority? Working in the school district has kept me close to what happens in my kids’ education. I only have one left in the district now, but having a school job makes me more accessible to her than I would be if I was employed in another realm. Truthfully, being accessible to my kids was the reason I looked for a school job to begin with.  Relational priority? Yes! Also, the added income has helped us pay off some debts and taken a lot of pressure off of my husband. Relational priority again!

The downside of working outside the home is that all the things I would take care of while the rest of the family was otherwise engaged at school or work need to be done when I get home. I once calculated how much time I had to actually do all the regular chores like laundry, cooking, food shopping, bill-paying, etc. Since I try to leave the time after dinner to spend with my husband and we may have meetings of one kind or another in the evening, only two hours a day was left for everything necessary to run my home. Often those two hours include things my kids or husband need me to do in addition to my standard to-do list. Sometimes, I will have a coffee date with one of my kids. That leaves little time for coffee dates with friends or other social gatherings.  I guess what that says to me is that my family is my relational priority. I am okay with that.

I do miss spending time with friends. I do miss having enough time to keep up with my blog. I miss having time to do some of the other things that are on my to-do wish list. Still, I know that this time with all my kids at home is fleeting. Within a few years, a very few years for us, my nest will be empty. When it is, I don’t want to regret not investing more time in my family.
So, dear blogging friend, I might not visit with you as much as I would like, but you are still important to me. I hope you understand that my time is limited and my priorities are established. Be blessed and I will be in touch!

Back From China!

Well, friends, I know it's been a while since I was able to post. My life has been full of activity for the past month and I just haven't had time. I have missed blogging. It is something I truly enjoy.

So, the major event of the past month was our long-anticipated trip to China. We took a direct flight from JFK to Beijing that traveled over the North Pole. It was awesome to think about where we were as we flew over the North lands. I didn't have a window seat, so I can't tell you what it looked like there. But I did have a window seat for our trip from Beijing to Shanghai for the second part of our journey after a few days in Beijing. I can't tell you why the sight of the mountains of China stirs me up emotionally, but that is the image that I remember from the film that first kindled my desire to visit China. I would have to say the beauty of those mountains, so unlike any other mountains I have seen, was the high point of my visit to China. I saw those mountains, not only from my window seat, but from our climb up the Great Wall of China.

The Great Wall is an amazing structure. It is more than 2000 miles long and hundreds of years old. It is an amazing work of man. Only parts of it have been restored for tourists to visit, climb and admire. At any restored location there is only so far you can go. Tom and I stopped several times on our climb up the steep Great Wall stairs and declared that we could not climb any farther up. We had only been in China for about a day and our bodies had not quite adjusted to the twelve hour time difference. I think it's called jet lag! Not only that, our trip to the Great Wall was the last stop after a busy day. As much as we wanted to, we just couldn't make it to the top. We didn't get as far up as we could go, but we did go farther than we thought we could! On one of our stops to catch our breath and consider if we could go any further, we sat on the uneven, worn, steps and looked out at the mountains. As I looked out I said to Tom, "Man made this, but man could never make that!" It was truly breath-taking.

Our tour was designed to show us many of the beautiful creations that the Chinese produce: beautiful gardens, silk, embroidery, hand knotted silk rugs. All of it was lovely, but none of that beauty compares to the natural beauty of the land itself. What I bring back with me couldn't be stored in a suitcase, or purchased with money. What I bring back with me is the memory of a beauty that man can only try to mimic, but can never recreate. A beauty that only the Hands that created the universe are capable of. I wouldn't trade that for...all the tea in China! Blessings!

The Things We Cannot Change

"There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go."

When I checked the announcements online for my daughter's high school this week I found the above posted as the quote of the week. There was no source given for the quote, but it struck me as well-chosen for the events this school community has recently experienced. 

It seems the news headlines are full of tragedies no matter where one lives. The international news is overwhelmingly tragic if one takes the time to truly meditate on it, but sometimes tragedy happens close to home, and sometimes closer than when first realized. I don't want to go into details. The details are too painful. I will say only this: It is always tragic when a young person's life is cut short, but when it is cut short brutally and intentionally, the tragedy is beyond what the mind and heart are able to comprehend.

The young person lost was a recent graduate of my kids' high school. That's close. Though I didn't know her well, she went through the school where I work and I know that I had spoken with her several times. That's closer. When we got together with a small group of friends later that week I heard that the young lady was found in the neighborhood where one of my friends lives and had been a friend of her daughter's. That is as close as I can handle right now.  I can't imagine how the young lady's friends and family are coping with this unimaginable loss. To them, this isn't a news headline, it's life, and life at it's unutterable worst.

How does one cope with tragedy in whatever form it comes to us? How do those on the other side of the world in Japan cope with the loss of life as they had known it? How does this family cope with the loss of their daughter and the publicity associated with their very personal agony? How do employers cope with the fact that they can't afford to keep all their employees and have to tell good people that their position has been eliminated? How do those whose jobs have been lost, some of my co-workers for example, face an uncertain future?

These are the things we don't want to happen as the quote referred to. Somehow we have to learn how to accept them. These situations cause us to learn things that we didn't want to know. Somehow the learning has to make us stronger.  And then there are the people we can't live without...That's the most difficult aspect of the truth that quote presents. How do we ever find the strength to let them go?

That quote puts me in mind of a very famous prayer:  

God grant me the serenity 

      to accept the things I cannot change;
  courage to change the things I can; 

  and wisdom to know the difference. 

As you deal with whatever tragedy affects your life may God grant you such serenity. Be blessed, dear one.
  

Small, But Valuable

Those words, "small, but valuable" jumped out at me from the movie screen several years ago. In the film, "You've Got Mail" Meg Ryan's character, Kathleen Kelly, is writing to her unknown "cyber-friend" played by Tom Hanks. She says, "I lead a small life. Small, but valuable...." The rest of her words haven't stuck with me, but those have.
I have never heard anyone describe their life in those terms, "small, but valuable". What a great way to describe my life and yours. Most of us aren't on public platforms. We don't reach a wide audience or influence large numbers of people. We just go about our lives. We touch the people we come in contact with and influence them unknowingly. In a culture where bigger is often deemed better it is easy to think that a small life doesn't carry much weight, that it doesn't have value.
Years ago pretty much everyone had a small life. Very few people imagined that life could be "bigger". There were few platforms to push a person's influence beyond the walls of their small community.  Now mass communication allows for a lot more comparison with those who have a wider circle of influence. Does a wider circle of influence make a person more valuable?
I guess those words jumped out at me because my life was small (I guess it still is) and, I thought, not worth as much as someone else whose life was "bigger". Who am I comparing myself to anyway? What makes their life more important? Isn't what I am able to give to those around me just as valuable?
What you and I have to give to those whose lives we touch everyday is worth much more to them than anything they hear or see in any form of mass communication. What makes a small life valuable is the personal touch, the things that only a real, live, right-there person can give. You and I are real, live and right-there to the person whose face we see next. Give every bit that your small life has to offer. It will be of greater worth than you will ever know.

Deep Impact

I have been thinking lately about how our culture has come to believe that the more people know about you or your activity the better it is. Mega churches and huge stadiums are a creation of our time. Before the invention of technologies like radio and television or the internet, even those whose names were well know could live in relative anonymity. These days we often measure our success in how many come to our events or access our materials rather than how deeply our message impacts a few.

I propose a change in our philosophy concerning impact. I have been thinking of it as the “Jerry Maguire” model of ministry. In the movie “Jerry Maguire” the lead character played by Tom Cruise is a successful sports agent. The definition of success in that context is representing star players with big contracts and high commissions for the agent. More clients, more money. Jerry has an epiphany of sorts and proposes a change in the agency’s approach: Fewer clients, deeper relationship and personal investment in each one. This proposed philosophy change gets Jerry fired and leaves him with one client, Rod, so he is forced into actually implementing this change. Over time Jerry and Rod develop a relationship that deeply impacts them both. Jerry has the pleasure of seeing Rod succeed in a way that he never would have without the personal attention and investment of Jerry Maguire and Jerry learns through Rod’s example how to have real relationships.

Is more really better? Each one of us desires to make an impact on the world, but is that impact to be measured by the number of people we impact or the depth of the impact we have on a few lives? A deeper impact potentially affects just as many people in the long run. Those few that I impact have their own circle of influence. As they invest in a few in their circle, my impact widens. When those they influence invest in their circle, my impact widens again and remains a deeper impact because of each tier of influence receiving a focused investment.

I have often felt insignificant. Maybe you have as well. I have measured myself against the idea of a wider influence. I have often felt trapped into spending my life on a few. Opportunities to reach wider haven’t been available or even satisfying when they exist. I have come to see that those I am able to influence are actually those I need to focus on. As I have learned to invest more deeply in those who are currently in my circle of influence, I have found the results to be deeply satisfying.  

Often we are reaching for the wider influence and miss the opportunity to make a deeper, more lasting and far-reaching impact.  Deeper impact costs more on my part because deeper invests more of me. There may be more chance for hurt or conflict or frustration when I don’t see the kind of results I am looking for. Yet, deeper investment in another can affect me more significantly as well. I am transformed as I invest in the lives of a few and watch them grow and succeed.  I suppose there is value in both wide and deep impact, but I would rather spend my life deeply investing in a few and sharing in their growth and success in life than reaching wide and having a shallow impact on many people.